🔥 RoastMyFriend

Your friend has it coming. We’ll write it.

A custom roast of your friend — funny, clean, and built from the stories only you know — as a one-page card you can share anywhere. Flat $2. In your inbox within 24 hours, usually way faster.

You give us the ammunition: the habits, the catchphrases, the story about the boat. We turn it into a roast that lands — the kind that gets read out loud at the party and screenshotted into the group chat forever.

Roast my friend — $2

Secure checkout by Stripe. Good-natured only — see “Our one rule” below.

How it works

Step 1 — Pay the $2.
Secure checkout, done in under a minute. That’s the whole price — no subscriptions, no accounts, no upsell ambush (there are a couple of fun add-ons if you want them, clearly priced).

Step 2 — Answer 8 quick questions.
Right after checkout we email you a short form: your friend’s name, the occasion, how hot you want it, and 3–5 teasing facts or stories. Two minutes, tops. Give us the stuff they already laugh about.
See the questions

Step 3 — Get your roast and fire away.
A one-page roast card (PDF) plus the same roast as copy-paste text lands in your email within 24 hours — usually the same day. Post it, print it, or read it out loud. Then watch them try to top it.

Pick your heat

🌶 Gentle — pure affection. Safe for Grandma, the boss, and the church group chat.

🌶🌶 Medium — the sweet spot. Real jokes about real habits. (Most popular.)

🌶🌶🌶 Savage-but-clean — maximum joke density, zero cruelty. Sharper, never mean.

Our one rule

The friend has to laugh. Every roast is good-natured: we tease habits, stories, and running jokes — never appearance, health, family pain, or anything they’d actually be hurt to see shared. You confirm you know this person and it’s all in fun. That’s what makes it shareable — and sharing it is the whole point.

Sample roasts

Fictional friends, medium heat — every real roast is built from your stories.

For Dave’s 40th birthday:

Dave’s truck is a 2009 with 212,000 miles, and Dave will tell anyone who listens that “she’s got another hundred thousand in her.” She does not. She has been in the shop six times this year. At this point the mechanic sends Dave a Christmas card. Dave’s truck has a closer relationship with a lift than with the open road —

For Marcus, retiring after 31 years:

Marcus is retiring, and the office would like to honor his greatest skill: being able to fall asleep in any chair, in any meeting, by minute four. It’s not napping — it’s leadership. Marcus led by example, and the example was rest. The rest of us were taking notes. Marcus was taking naps. The torch passes to whoever inherits his chair — it already leans back, he’s seen to that.

Level it up (optional, at checkout)

Second Round — Roast-Back
A second card: the comeback roast, for when they fire back (or fire first).

Roast + Toast Combo
The roast card PLUS a warm, funny toast for the same occasion. Roast them at the party, toast them at dinner. Perfect for weddings and retirements.

Group Roast
The whole friend group, one card per person (up to 5). Nobody escapes.

Roast my friend — $2

FAQ

How fast do I get it?

Within 24 hours of your answers landing in our inbox — and we aim for same-day, because roasts are usually for an occasion that’s soon. The clock starts on your answers, not your payment.

Is it going to be mean?

No — deliberately not. We roast the stories and habits you give us, at the heat level you pick, and every roast ends warm. Nothing about appearance, health, family tragedies, or anything on our never-list (see “Our one rule”). If the material you send us is genuinely mean-spirited, we’ll email you and offer a funnier, kinder angle instead.

What do you need from me?

Eight quick answers: their name, your relationship, the occasion, a heat level, and 3–5 teasing facts or stories. The better the ammunition, the better the roast.

How do I use it?

Any way you like: screenshot the card into the group chat, print it for the party, read it out loud, or paste the text version anywhere. Sharing is encouraged — that’s what it’s for.

Can they roast me back?

We hope so. Every roast ends with a roast-back invitation — and the Second Round add-on ($1) means you can pre-buy your comeback before they’ve even seen the first one.

Who’s behind this?

RoastMyFriend is run by McElroy Family Ventures, a small family business. Roasts are written by our team and delivered by email — no apps, no accounts.